(“TaB Energy’s Arrival in Canada is Celebrated with “Fuel To Be Fabulous” Party,” Newswire.ca, June 15, 2006)
This Ain’t Your Mother’s TaB(TM)
TORONTO, June 15 /CNW/ – Young, chic women from across Toronto will
gather Saturday night at the StyleXchange to help celebrate the arrival of TaB
energy(TM) to Canada.
While TaB energy(TM) shares the old TaB(TM) brand name, that is where the
similarities end — it is not a cola — it is a new, deliciously pink, sugar-
free energy drink with only five calories per 269mL can. Available in an eye-
catching, fashionably pink can, TaB energy(TM) was created specifically for
women with a sense of style and purpose.
(“Devotees go far to keep tabs on diet pop,” The Columbus Dispatch, May 7, 2006 — by Ana Fisher)
Maybe youâ€™re too young to remember Space Food Sticks and Shake-a Puddâ€™n.
Thatâ€™s because those food fads, introduced around the summer of 1969, couldnâ€™t attract the necessary long-term market share.
Consumerproduct companies donâ€™t seem to mind. They just roll out the next crazy idea and hope it sticks long enough to make a profit to bankroll the next crazy idea.
(“Dwindling supply has TaB fanatics searching everywhere for their cola,” Press of Atlantic City, May 7, 2006 — by Courtney McCann)
Lolly Yocum will travel to the ends of the earth in search of an endangered species: her beloved TaB soda.
The Lansdale, Pa., doll maker has a summer house in Little Egg Harbor Township, but she spends more time traveling the Garden State Parkway trolling for soft drinks than enjoying the summer sun.
â€œDuring the summer months, I go on TaB-buying journeys that take me from Manahawkin to Atlantic City looking for my beloved drink,â€� Yocum said. â€œNo other drink can compare.â€�
(“Tab Energy Kills You Dead/The famously toxic retro cola nails women with a new, pink energy drink. Because you love it,” San Francisco Chronicle, March 8, 2006 — by Mark Morford)
You know what’s brilliant, in a skin-peeling, brain-grinding, I-can’t-feel-my-soul sort of way? Target marketing.
Target marketing, like when they take some toxic product you don’t really need and which you already know rots the lining of your skull and which could probably power a nuclear reactor, and then they put it into a special new package and pump it full with $100 million in marketing money and aim it straight at some exclusive demographic that’s not actually exclusive but which they want you to think is exclusive so if you belong to it you can say, Oh my goodness, I’m part of a sly, hip subculture and they’re speaking directly to me. I am so cool.