(“TaB Energy’s Arrival in Canada is Celebrated with “Fuel To Be Fabulous” Party,” Newswire.ca, June 15, 2006)

This Ain’t Your Mother’s TaB(TM)

TORONTO, June 15 /CNW/ – Young, chic women from across Toronto will
gather Saturday night at the StyleXchange to help celebrate the arrival of TaB
energy(TM) to Canada.

While TaB energy(TM) shares the old TaB(TM) brand name, that is where the
similarities end — it is not a cola — it is a new, deliciously pink, sugar-
free energy drink with only five calories per 269mL can. Available in an eye-
catching, fashionably pink can, TaB energy(TM) was created specifically for
women with a sense of style and purpose.
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(“Tab Energy Kills You Dead/The famously toxic retro cola nails women with a new, pink energy drink. Because you love it,” San Francisco Chronicle, March 8, 2006 — by Mark Morford)

You know what’s brilliant, in a skin-peeling, brain-grinding, I-can’t-feel-my-soul sort of way? Target marketing.

Target marketing, like when they take some toxic product you don’t really need and which you already know rots the lining of your skull and which could probably power a nuclear reactor, and then they put it into a special new package and pump it full with $100 million in marketing money and aim it straight at some exclusive demographic that’s not actually exclusive but which they want you to think is exclusive so if you belong to it you can say, Oh my goodness, I’m part of a sly, hip subculture and they’re speaking directly to me. I am so cool.
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